a little personal and a little serious

dear friend who's a boy,
we've been through years of conversations, trips, movies, late nights and sleep overs. You've loved me and expressed this for a long time. most of the time I knew you were probably kidding. a few times I realized that you weren't. there were times, usually when you were far away that I felt something more. Luckily you could see right through me and all of my insecurities. I don't blame you for moving on. You shouldn't have to wait around for me to figure myself out. You told me once that I might need therapy, to find out where my deep seeded fears of relationships stem from. I thought maybe that was your way of sheltering yourself from my lack of affection. I realize only now that you may have been right. There's a reason I cried myself to sleep that night when you first told me. It wasn't because I couldn't believe you said it. It was because I couldn't believe someone else noticed it before I did.
Thank you for being honest. Thank you for loving me all these years. And thank you for still being my friend after all I put you through.

love,
a girl who's really sorry.

- honestly thinking about the therapy. it couldn't hurt, right?




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Even though its fun being single, playing the field, doing whatever you want when you want, sometimes there are things you have to work out first before that person comes along. Sometimes it might take just getting to know yourself better. Sometimes it might mean trying new things, meeting new people and then there might be things you need to figure out that you just can't seem to do on your own. There's no shame in that.

Picnic for One

Once I knew this guy who was so funny and slightly charming in the best way possible. We had mutual friends who always made comments like "you guys should get married. you're like the same person." I never thought of him as more than a friend through other friends but more and more, at parties and gatherings, I began to wonder that maybe if I knew him better then I could feel differently. I'd also heard from some of those close friends that he might think the same about me. Sometimes waiting for guys to show up at your front door with flowers and a fun/romantic evening planned becomes more like the details of a long lost fairy tale we only heard as children. So in an effort to do something about this possible romance/friendship, I casually texted {because thats less awkward in this scenario} him and mentioned that it would be fun if we went up the canyon for a small, impromptu picnic. I offered to make my famous pb&j and promised that even though I wanted to read, he wouldn't have to. He replied back saying that it was a great idea. He mentioned he could basically squeeze me in for about 30 minutes before something else he had planned. I'll give him credit for having plans on a Sunday afternoon when I rarely have actual plans on such an afternoon but I felt sad that he'd only give me 30 minutes. I offered to do it another day if he wanted, just to see if he'd make the effort to try to come that day even for just a short time. He quickly jumped on the "Let's do it another day" wagon. I was disappointed but tried to understand that he did have plans and I'd be upset if we had made plans and he bailed.
In more of an attempt to keep my spirits high that day, I went any way. Alone.

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So this is what 'Picnic for One that was suppose to be Picnic for Two' looks like.


Update:
I knew that if I threw the ball into his court, even though he couldn't go that day, he would for sure come to me another day with an equally enticing idea for us to get to know one another better.
Haven't heard from him. I have heard through mutual friends that he "hangs out" with this girl now who is really hot and not really his type.

awesome.

the facebook phenomenon

I have this friend who was dating this boy. She's a little older. He's a little younger. She's young at heart and he's mature for his age. They're both fun loving, outgoing people who like to laugh. They date casually for a few weeks, and really learned to love each others company. Just like so many relationships, they suddenly found themselves in an awkward realm when he decided to take off to Alaska for the summer to work in the great outdoors.
We'll still date, just long distance.
There's always Skype Dates.
I know lots of people who dated long distance and it worked out for them.
The time will fly by and then we'll be together before we know it.
As soon as he was gone, she missed him terribly. Thats the problem with being in the "obsessed" part of your relationship when one of the two decides to leave for four months. They chat a time or two but their schedules just didn't match. Slowly jealously sets in and they begin to fight. Not real big fights. We should call it bickering instead. Little snips here, little snaps there. Jab jab jab.
A few heated phone calls and then its over.

Here's where Facebook ruins lives:

A few dates in, she decided to change her status to say that she was in a relationship with the boy. Everyone liked it. People commented you're so cute together! Can't wait to get the announcement in the mail. Etc.
The morning after they broke up she wanted to change her status but the beautiful {sarcasm} part of facebook is that it documents the happy change AND the sad/angry change. She didn't want everyone to see that suddenly she wasn't in the relationship with the boy and she definitely doesn't want all of the notifications that say Oh no, what happened? What??? You guys were so cute together! What happened. and the classic Call me from the random girl you never talk to you.
We figured out the complicated privacy settings and changed things so that when she changed her status from In a relationship to single it would no longer show up on anyone's feed.
Hallelujah!
Weeks later. He's deleted her as a friend on Facebook.

seriously?