Friday, April 5, 2013

a fish tank.

Dating is hard. I know that putting yourself out there can be terrifying. Who knows if you'll be compatible, or even attracted to one another. With my reason failed attempt at a dating study, one of my goals was to see how dating worked in Utah since it seems to be so hard to get asked out sometimes. There have been so many times in the last few years that I've met different guys and as much as you throw yourself at them, show up to parties you'd never attend, ward prayer or even class just to get the chance to talk to them, they never seem to make much effort. You begin to think that its you. You're not pretty enough, not young enough, not interesting and obviously not date material. In this study, I wanted to give those around me the opportunity to get out there and go on a date. I mentioned this project to friends in person and through facebook. Lots of people expressed interest saying that they knew someone they thought would want to go out. I had high hopes. I won't rehash the debacle that project was and why it failed. It was just as much my fault just as much as others. But that being said, there is an epidemic happening here where people don't ask people on dates. I put myself out there ready to date any guy who came my way for 30 days and only a few came forward. In fact, I would say that only one made actual effort.

I'd like to contrast this with several examples of what happened to me in other states and why I know now that its not just who I am.

Example #1.
A year or so ago I went to Long Beach California for New Years with another single girlfriend. We went to this downtown beach festival celebrating the new year. Tons of people were walking the streets, eating at restaurants, watching local bands play music, etc. As we were walking, a nice young man literally stopped me in the street, told me how beautiful I was and wondered if he could walk with me and get to know me. As we walked he asked me about myself, where I was from and why I found myself in Long Beach for the holiday. He was very attentive and then asked for my number so he could call me sometime. Even though I didn't think he was my type, I was flattered that he made such an effort. The miraculous part was that he actually called me several days later. What?! That's almost unheard of. No Facebook friend request, No texts or random strange questions. Just conversation. yeah.

Example #2.
This last weekend my good friend Julie and I headed down to So Cal to hit up the beach and go to Disneyland. We made the best of the warm weather and had a great time. While eating at the Blue Bayou in Disneyland, a waitress brought over two Mint Juleps and said "These are from the guys sitting over at that table." while pointing to a table of four young guys sitting close by. They were all smiles as we looked over. We eventually went over to thank them for the kind gesture. I was smiling ear to ear because no one had ever made such a kindness to me, a stranger. They were so sweet to us and asked if we wanted to meet up later to ride a few rides and watch the fireworks together. Julie, who is engaged to be married in 2 weeks, was even flattered and we couldn't help but want to hang out with them. I knew that things like this don't happen to me in Utah and thus I had to take advantage. We talked for hours, walking and riding, laughing and enjoying the new company. Since then, one of the guys got my phone number and we've talked a few times since I've been home. He's genuine, kind and has a great sense of humor.

Its easy to feel like you're not wanted. Like you'll eventually blend in so much with the background scenery of Utah that you might as well not exist. But the good news is, outside of this fish bowl, there are people out there who notice you. People who can appreciate how genuine you are. Is it frustrating? yes. Is it almost maddening and you want to pull your hair out every time someone asks you "Why aren't you dating? I don't understand. You're so cute and cool." Yes. Its unbelievable isn't it? But there happiness no matter where you look. We just all need to move out of this fish tank.