Update - An epic failure

Have you ever been a little disappointed by life? So many ways to even name, right? yeah...
I may have over-estimated my desire to date {a lot} and have come to more/different conclusions than I thought would come with my dating extravoganza. I thought for sure that I would be overjoyed with all of this time spent with others and although I'm excited for the few dates with actual guys who applied and have thus made an effort.
Unfortunately I've come to two conclusions.
1) Most guys {and I'm sure girls alike} are pretty lazy when it comes to dating. I had tons of friends say "Hey I know this guy in my ward" or "I gave your number to my brother in law and told him to call you" or "I have a coworker who never dates but he says he wants to. I think I'm going to set you two up." but the brilliantly funny part is that I didn't hear from a single one of those guys. Sure I could go sulk in my room and be sad that they saw my picture on Facebook and suddenly weren't interested and accidentally lost my phone number. But the awkward part is that those friends who tried to lend their hand at Match Making are now coming to me asking if they ever called. "Nope" I must say and move on without feeling like a completely loser. Which leads me to my second conclusion.
2) I'm not that sad that this 30 dates in 30 days didn't really pan out. Come to find out, I'm not that interested in dating 30 different guys who are probably exactly like me and don't date that much because they're not that interested in putting themselves out their like sixteen year old girls desperate for attention and affection. Turns out I'm fine with dating a little bit and spending time alone too. I'm still going to go on the handful of dates that came out of the woodwork from guys who actually made an effort. They each get an A+ in my book even before the actual dates.

Talking to a friend who was curious how the dates were going, he asked why I did it. I said that I felt pressure from my parents, married family and friends, the culture I live in where people get married and have four babies by the time they're my age, and I felt like this would be a good way to prove that I'm actually trying. But the reality is that this would have been a massive undertaking and probably would have killed me. I'm 29 and I like my alone time. I work with an office full of people, mostly women who I love, but after work I like to go home, relax and veg out. Dating can bring on all kinds of anxiety that I for some reason chose not to recognize when I took on this task.

The point of all this rambling is that I failed. My whole project failed before it even began. It was the wrong type of project for me. Maybe when I was 22 I would have eaten this up. Social Butterfly to the Max. I told my friend that "Now I'm wanting to just meet a good guy and spend 30 days dating that guy ;)" So I'm sending out those vibes into the universe. Send me a nice guy.

30 in 30

An idea thats becoming a plan.
Here's the plan:  30 Dates in 30 Days >>>> Crazy right? I know. But just hear me out...

I'm creating a study of Dating. For thirty days starting February 15th until March 16th, I'll be scheduling one date per day according to my schedule and those poor souls enlisted to take me out. Saturdays can be double booked as well. Nothing extravagant. A little date to starbucks, the library, a movie, etc. Being creative is encouraged but I'm an easy going girl who's easily entertained without the theatrics. The process is simple. Fill out the questionare below and leave it in a comment or email the answers to jessathefashionista {at} gmail {dot} com. Feel free to ask any questions you may have about me before hand. If you have a cute brother, cousin or friend who you'd think wouldn't mind "participating in this study," send them my way! {I'm far more charming in person}



30 Dates in 30 Days Questionare

Name of the person going on the Date:

Age:

Contact information:(#,email,etc)

Residence:

Availability or preferred day/time:

Hobbies:

Anything else fun you'd like to share with me:



ok so I'm sure you're dying to know What is the study all about? Well thats just it, I'm not entirely sure what the study will tell us in the end, so I'm leaving that question opened ended and through observation and a little fun, we might find out some interesting things about the dating world in a different approach. If there are questions you have or ideas for these observations, let me know! I'd love to get input in all aspects so any of the Participants can add their take on the date as well. I'll be posting my observations here on this blog for the month so be sure to check back! I won't be name dropping or gossiping in any way, there are other sources for that sort of thing. {think people.com}


Thanks in advance for your support and participation. happy dating!! xoxo


disclaimer: I'm an active Mormon and living my life accordingly. So no creepy old guys please. For my sake.

Take a good look

There are times when you look in the mirror but you don't actually see yourself in the reflection. There is a girl there but you don't quite recoginize her. Sometimes we let ourselves take what other people say or what we think they think about us and we let that mold us into someone new. The world wants you to be one way, worldly - wealthy - skinny - and submissive, but you know that you're meant to be another way, kind - charitable - unique - healthy. Its even easier to let individuals dictate how we feel about ourselves. Listening to people talk about what they like and don't like about other makes it easy for us to tear ourselves down, so that we begin to feel like we're not good enough. Is there something I can change, is there more I can do to be prettier, skinnier, more interesting.

I'd like to, one day, look at myself and just smile. To know one's self is the best attribute of all, I believe.

So here's to us! We are young, free, independent and open to all new possibilities. Let's remember that individuality is something to be proud of and as Audrey Hepurn once said "Happy girls are the prettiest girls."

silly little girls

one of the perks about being single and a girl is that you're allowed to get excited about boys. yes, it's slightly uncouth for you to jump around and squeal but sometimes, just sometimes, its appropriate.

7

Seven is the number of times i've seen the same guy in the morning time pulling up to the building where i work in a white loading truck. each and every morning i think to myself "seriously? how am i seeing him again?" well... i'm beginning to think that its fate throwing us together. the cosmos have decided that its time for me to be swept off my feet and thrown into the wild coaster of love. ha ha MFEO, right?

so naturally i run upstairs, grab two or three of the girls i work with. we run to the far window and gaze down at the beautiful man and his muscles as he works unloading large boxes. we talk about how cute our babies would be and the wonderful life we'd have together. when he casually looks up towards the building, we scream and jump around in hopes that he didn't see us spying on him.

but of course inside i really do hope that he saw me.

something to think about.

"If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2am clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are...You deserve a girl who can give you the most colourful life imaginable. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads."

ps i'm a reader. are you?

a little personal and a little serious

dear friend who's a boy,
we've been through years of conversations, trips, movies, late nights and sleep overs. You've loved me and expressed this for a long time. most of the time I knew you were probably kidding. a few times I realized that you weren't. there were times, usually when you were far away that I felt something more. Luckily you could see right through me and all of my insecurities. I don't blame you for moving on. You shouldn't have to wait around for me to figure myself out. You told me once that I might need therapy, to find out where my deep seeded fears of relationships stem from. I thought maybe that was your way of sheltering yourself from my lack of affection. I realize only now that you may have been right. There's a reason I cried myself to sleep that night when you first told me. It wasn't because I couldn't believe you said it. It was because I couldn't believe someone else noticed it before I did.
Thank you for being honest. Thank you for loving me all these years. And thank you for still being my friend after all I put you through.

love,
a girl who's really sorry.

- honestly thinking about the therapy. it couldn't hurt, right?




--------------------------------------------------
Even though its fun being single, playing the field, doing whatever you want when you want, sometimes there are things you have to work out first before that person comes along. Sometimes it might take just getting to know yourself better. Sometimes it might mean trying new things, meeting new people and then there might be things you need to figure out that you just can't seem to do on your own. There's no shame in that.

Picnic for One

Once I knew this guy who was so funny and slightly charming in the best way possible. We had mutual friends who always made comments like "you guys should get married. you're like the same person." I never thought of him as more than a friend through other friends but more and more, at parties and gatherings, I began to wonder that maybe if I knew him better then I could feel differently. I'd also heard from some of those close friends that he might think the same about me. Sometimes waiting for guys to show up at your front door with flowers and a fun/romantic evening planned becomes more like the details of a long lost fairy tale we only heard as children. So in an effort to do something about this possible romance/friendship, I casually texted {because thats less awkward in this scenario} him and mentioned that it would be fun if we went up the canyon for a small, impromptu picnic. I offered to make my famous pb&j and promised that even though I wanted to read, he wouldn't have to. He replied back saying that it was a great idea. He mentioned he could basically squeeze me in for about 30 minutes before something else he had planned. I'll give him credit for having plans on a Sunday afternoon when I rarely have actual plans on such an afternoon but I felt sad that he'd only give me 30 minutes. I offered to do it another day if he wanted, just to see if he'd make the effort to try to come that day even for just a short time. He quickly jumped on the "Let's do it another day" wagon. I was disappointed but tried to understand that he did have plans and I'd be upset if we had made plans and he bailed.
In more of an attempt to keep my spirits high that day, I went any way. Alone.

----------------------------------------

So this is what 'Picnic for One that was suppose to be Picnic for Two' looks like.


Update:
I knew that if I threw the ball into his court, even though he couldn't go that day, he would for sure come to me another day with an equally enticing idea for us to get to know one another better.
Haven't heard from him. I have heard through mutual friends that he "hangs out" with this girl now who is really hot and not really his type.

awesome.